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FDA Deems New Drug As Safe As Anything Can Be In This Crazy World
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Social Butterfly Marries Social Moose
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Area Man Throws Little Bit Of Affection Mother’s Way
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This Where Bass Kicks In, Reports Man Pointing Out Part Of Song About To Happen
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Woman Who Will One Day Slowly Fall Out Of Love With Area Man Out There Somewhere
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Wrong Turn In Ventilation Duct Results In World’s Largest Bakery Heist
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Kid Screaming Behind Passenger During Entire Plane Crash
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Whole Thing Read
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‘Uh-Huh, Cool,’ Says Man Edging Toward Bedroom As Roommate Describes Day
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Well, Hate Group Doesn’t Like To Think Of Selves That Way
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New Monk Getting Hang Of Strolling With Hands Clasped Behind Back
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Lying Asshole Fired For No Reason
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Sweatpants Pulled Down A Little For Intercourse
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Area Man A Treasure Trove Of Recessive Genes
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Other Teens Mindless Drones
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Drinking Hidden From Cat
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Toothpaste Cap Enjoys Fifth Consecutive Day In Countertop Puddle
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Man Kind Of Relieved To Learn New Girlfriend’s Parents Dead
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Race Enters Into It
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Therapist Just Said ‘Bingo’
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Heartbroken Man Realizes He Only Loved Idea Of Fried Egg On Burger
KNOXVILLE, TN—After a disappointing lunch that shattered his romanticized view of the topping, heartbroken local…
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In Other News
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Americans Demand Their Voices Be Heard And Also Some Kind Of Dessert You Get After Breakfast
WASHINGTON—Telling reporters that they were sick and tired of having their views ignored, Americans nationwide…
Entertainment
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What To Know About ‘Good Boy’
Good Boy, a horror movie told from the point of view of its dog protagonist, comes to theaters this weekend.…
Local
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Inside Of Light Fixture Everything Moth Dreamed And More
MEREDITH, NH—Saying the luminous paradise had exceeded even its wildest expectations, a local moth told reporters Tuesday the inside of…
Sports
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